Nov 6, 2012

#NaBloPoMo: An (opposite of) Ode to Bras

I'm a bra girl. I am a firm believer of keeping your girls under control whenever you leave the house. I will put a bra on even if it's just to go pick up the Thai takeaway.

When I first started wearing a bra, I used to sleep in it. Can you imagine the horror of it? I was sure if I took my bra off for too long, my boobs would become ginormous overnight and I didn't want that kind of attention I decided. For a large part of my teenage years I wore a sports bra over my bra so I'd hide any hint of curves and look as flat-chested as possible. I know, I had issues.

I like my boobs now but they're still restrained in public. I will never buy a dress or top if I can't figure out how to wear a bra under it. I once fell in love with a dress with a very low back and questioned the bra placement. My friend said I'd have to go braless and that's where my love story with the dress ended. Braless? In public? Umm, no. I'm much too prudish in this regard. Some people do "no bra" dresses very well but I'm just not one of those girls.

This obsession with bra wearing isn't because I love bras. I loathe them. I wear them because of my aforementioned issues with Freedom of Breast-spression but the best part of my day is coming home and taking it off. Unhook, slide strap off and slither arm under, repeat with other arm. Grab bra from under sleeve and yank out. Bra gone. You know the drill. If you're in a strapless, even better - you can take the damn thing off in one swift motion! The pleasure of being unrestrained is unexplainable to a man. It's probably how they feel about going commando but it's not quite the same. Their privates aren't strapped in, they're simply held in place.

Weekends are good. You can be bra-less and 100% mark-free for longer. If we don't particularly have to be somewhere on a Saturday night, the decision making process often goes like this:

"Going out involves wearing a bra (and possibly heels too). Is the place cool enough/ is the food good enough to warrant giving up my bra-less state?"

Often, going bra-free wins over going out. Sad, I know. Old people like, I know. But honestly, sometimes it's really not worth the effort. Don't deny it ladies!

And then there's also the misery of washing them. Honestly, bras have been around FOREVER, so have washing machines. Why hasn't someone come up with a way to throw your bras in the washing machine without worrying it will come out mangled and shapeless? I have the additional misery of having to hand wash my sports bras as well. 2 bras per day, every day. Where's a maid when you need one?

Bra shopping? Don't even get me started. It's right up there with jeans shopping and bikini shopping. If you want your boobies well protected, you want to invest in a decent pair. But decent pairs are expensive. Plenty of cheap bras at Best & Less to choose from, I know. But then your girls will be more Less, less Best. Never mind that irrespective of price tag, finding a pair that fits just the way you want is just too much to ask for. I told you, don't get me started.

Dear "bra-burning" Feminists (forgive the cliched myth but it was necessary in this context), I totes get it. It's oppression and I want out. Literally.

And no, don't say it. I'm not going to wear an Ahhh Bra.

*This post is part of the November NaBloPoMo blogging challenge.


sajani said...

You just said how I take it off!! And yeah, I style wear my bra hook in front, slither it around, slip arms into straps. If I had ever learnt to "hook" my bra like a lady, I can't remember when I remembered it last! Haha!! LOVED this post!!

R.Bit said...

Haha glad it made you laugh :)