If I had Rihanna's address...

Dearest Ri-Ri,

Your music isn't really my thing. And normally, your personal life wouldn't be my business either except it's in the news every other day and it's a little hard to avoid. So, seeing as it's in my face all time, I've assumed the right to comment (and question).

So, I'm wondering - why Chris Brown? I mean I love a good looking black man, so I get the attraction. But surely, once he treats you like a piece of shit, smashes your face in, threatens you and writes douchecanoe lyrics to his songs - the charm wears off? 

I'm sorry Ri-Ri. I know there is more to a story than what we read in the papers. I know you say he is "the love of your life". Having the world hate on your love is hard. But, the truth is this ex/current/maybe boyfriend of yours did assault you and definitely did not think it was wrong. Do you understand that people like me want to smash HIS face in because what he did is so disgustingly wrong? (Sorry, getting a bit protective there!) You say you have forgiven and I am all for forgiveness... when the person is actually sorry for what they did. Your mate Chris doesn't look so sorry to me.

You know what Ri-Ri, the love of your life often turns into the douchiest, jerkiest, scum of the earth-est, biggest mistake and regret of your life. Shit like this happens to people all the time. Trust me, I know from personal experience. But you know what else? He isn't the only man in the world. He definitely isn't the best man in the world for you. There are many, many other men who will love you (and you only and not wonder if you can love two people at the same time). You will see that relationships are more about love less about push and shove. More about a throw down on the bed less about a throw out of the car.

You're a talented woman Ri-Ri. You're beautiful, sexy, you can sing and you can make the world dance to your tunes (literally!). I feel like you don't see that though. You've definitely got your swag on in your videos and on stage but maybe it's just a cover? I don't know...maybe I'm just making things up. What I do know is sometimes a man takes away such a large part of you, you don't even know yourself any more and so it's easier to let things be than start over. But this starting over could be the beginning of an amazing new life.

I know no one can tell you how to live your life. Not me and not the millions of angry women around the world who just wish you'd show Chris Girlfriend Beater Brown the door (to put it politely).

So, Ri-Ri, I just hope you find peace, I hope you find happiness, I hope you find love. Most importantly, I hope you find yourself.

Sweet dreams

So last night after my usual "Let's sleep/ Let's worry" dramas, when I finally fell asleep I had dreams.

Dream 1
I woke up in bed with someone pulling at my leg. Turns out it was my sister and she was trying to kill me. Except my sister wasn't actually my sister. It was my other sister - my sister's long lost twin, who we didn't know existed. I'm not sure why she was trying to kill me but she looked quite evil.

Dream 2
A friend and I are invited to some amazing party in Melbourne (I don't know why Melbourne and not Sydney). When we get there, we learn the Braxton boys are going to be there and we're super excited because you know, Heath's a druggie turned good who's just lost his baby and his girlfriend's a psycho. And he's hot. Brax has fake stencil tattoos but I'll ignore that, he's such a bad boy with a good heart. And he's hot. Casey, young, reckless and always in trouble but he's a good kid you know. And he's hot. Their dysfunctionality just makes them hotter. Except, they come out to party with us in the real world of my dreams and I'm devo. They're all ugly and white (not being racist, they've just got the whole Summer Bay tan going usually) and look nothing like what they do on TV. My real world of my dreams is shattered. The Braxton boys are ugly.

Conclusion? I watch waaaay too much Home & Away (cue for you to judge me. Both dreams are based of recent happenings on the show.) Seriously, I need a life and/or need to find something better to do 7pm, weekdays.

Come party with me

I've been having very fitful sleeps lately. Instead of winding down, my brain goes into overdrive as soon as it hits the pillow. My body's like "Yeah…let's go to sleep!!!" My brain is like "Yeah let's make To Do lists! Wait while we're at it, let's sort the To Do list into categories and colour code them too!!"

Body's like "YAYY! Sleep!"

Mind's like:  "Ok, to do list done now time to stress about how many "to dos" I have."

Body's like: "Sleep!"

Mind's like: "Holy shit, I will never ever achieve anything I want in my whole life because my To Do list is so long."

Sometimes German Shepherd dog neighbour joins the conversation "groooowl woof woof BARK BARK BARK"

And then Poodle dog neighbour wakes up and wants to join the party too. "rrrrfff, rrrffff, woof BARK rrrfff rrfff WOOF WOOF WOOF"

Body, still trying, "Sleep?"

Mind, now annoyed because dog neighbours have interrupted OCD list making and worrying over list making; gives up and thinks about things that did happen during the day and how it could have/should have/ would have been different. 

Body: "Ok, change sides, may be that will help"

5 minutes later... 

"No switch again, that will help. Ok wait no, lie on your stomach. No no, kick your legs about a little, that will definitely help and will definitely NOT wake up anyone else who happens to share the bed"

Mind: "OMG I am going to be so tired tomorrow."

To do lists. Worrying about to do lists. Worrying about done lists. Worrying about worrying about lists and not sleeping.

Body's like "I give up, here have some Restless Leg Syndrome."

And Body, Mind and dog neighbours party like it's your birthday all night long. 

Sleep comes in for a visit in the early hours but we're in a Friends with No Benefits relationship and he leaves as soon as his wife rings and shrieks to the world that it's 6am and it's time to start another day. Never mind that your previous day never actually ended. 

Lessons in Happiness

I've been reading and thinking a lot about happiness lately. (I know, how incredibly hippie of me.)

I'll be honest; I have had some very dark days in the past few years. Days where getting out of bed seemed like more work than it was worth. Days where my body would physically ache from the effort of going to work. Days where eating an apple for dinner was hard work. Days where I smiled so hard just so people would assume I was normal and not ask me any questions.

Luckily, I have (mostly) gotten out of that. I am a happier person today than I was 2 years ago and consequentially, also a little bit more philosophical. Age has something do with it as well I suppose.

I have learnt:

·         Happiness is not a destination. I am not going to be happy after I have done this or achieved that. Happiness is every day, and it comes from living my life the way I want to.

·         So, to live the life I want I also need to follow my heart. Life gets in the way (a lot) but it is my life so amidst all the craziness and the inanity of the every day, I need to make my happiness a priority. Following my heart is not as difficult as it sounds.

·         Happiness is personal.  There is no point in going after what I think I'm supposed to do or want because everyone else does. I define my own happiness.

·         Inner peace isn't just a hippie notion. When you're happy, you're at peace. Finding that contentment has to come from within.

·         Change is intimidating but it's also invigorating. I have never regretted trying something new (even if it was a bad experience) so clearly I enjoy risks. I need to challenge myself more.

·         Keep learning. Yes, shiny, pretty, new things make me happy but learning something new, career challenges, inspiring words and intelligent conversations are the ultimate fuel for my soul.

·         Don't be so afraid of sharing, of opening up. I've found letting people in sometimes makes me realise I'm a much luckier, happier person than I know (This is something I am still struggling with but trying hard to get over)

My happiness is mine and I have to remember that.  

Olives can walk!

So last night, there was something on the floor and I thought it was an olive. (We had a Greek salad for dinner and sometimes my food leaves the plate and ends up on the carpet instead of in my mouth).

So, very confidently I grabbed a tissue and went to pick it up. As soon as I touched it, I shrieked. The olive was alive, had legs, was moving and wasn't very olive-y at all!

Meanwhile J is in hysterics because he knew it was a beetle or bug or some sort of horrible insect but enjoyed seeing me so convinced that it was an olive that had traveled from the kitchen, gone around a corner and ended up just outside the bedroom. (What? Olives roll around, they can travel long distances if they're fit and willing.)

I don't think I will be eating olives for a while.

Boys are mean.